I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
