for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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