Swine flu. Run for my life!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
