Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
