please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
