he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
