Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
