Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
