My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
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