What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
50% drunk capacity currently
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
