I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
