sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Randomize
