Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
