Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
