what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
