i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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