I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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