I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
