i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
