A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
