Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
