So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
