She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize