she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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