I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
