you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
These tits shall not be calmed
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
