meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Randomize
