if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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