I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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