he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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