I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
there is puke in my bra ... again
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
