I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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