I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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