I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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