Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
