Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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