I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
that's an acceptable place to lick
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
