What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You're like the curious george of whores
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
