He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
