You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
