I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
