This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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