My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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