I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize