That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
