I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
