You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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