I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
