I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
