Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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