Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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