D3 body, D1 cock
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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