Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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