The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
