carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
