Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
