I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
