Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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