Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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