Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
