Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
