Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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