Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
