Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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