Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
