My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize