Your face is a jimmy john
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
