You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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