32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
His nipple licking is glorious
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