If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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