My hair reeks of homosexuality.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
