but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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