he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
