The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
