i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
