you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
