oh god the rape fog is back!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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