i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
