omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
