hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
two words: eviction party
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
