After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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