who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
