Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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