Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
