hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
