She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize