im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
