At least make sure they are 18
Why
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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