I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
