i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
