who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I got chris browned last night
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize