Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
