Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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