don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
