Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
