My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
