i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
