so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
