i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
