So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Who died my cat blue again?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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